MIND BENDING
by Nik List
ABSTRACT – We’re all conditioned to foster opinions. Agree or disagree. Condone or cancel. Are we stuck with these binary cleavages? The mind can only bend in so many ways. What tools do we have when communication falls short and the mind hits a wall?
1 — VASE OR FACE?
What do you see in this image: a vase or silhouettes? Can you bend your mind and see both? Alternatively? Simultaneously?
Would it be possible to remove the vase without affecting the faces? Or faces without vases? Like both sides of a coin, they co-exist. They rely on each other. They arise mutually.
We are conditioned to agree, to disagree, and to foster opinions. This has led us down a path of polarization and a Tinderization of feeling: thumbs up or thumbs down. Condone or cancel.
Are we stuck with binary polarities? How do we access the underlying unity behind the optical illusion of duality? What tools do we have when communication falls short and the mind hits a wall?
2 — AN OPINION ON OPINIONS
In his book Sapiens, the historian Yuval Noah Harari describes nations as fictions based on stories. Fiction, as he writes, has enabled us not merely to imagine things, but to do so collectively.
We do the same on an individual level, with our sense of self. This ‘territory’ of ours, what we call ‘I’ or ‘me’, is held together by the stories we tell ourselves, along with the opinions and principles we hold. My values, my principles, my opinions. This is who I am.
But is this really who we are? A bag of opinions?
Ask yourself: how attached are you to those opinions and principles of yours?
As Groucho Marx would say, ‘I have principles. And if you don’t like them, well, I have others.’
Opinions aren’t preferences. Preferences can be useful. Would you prefer orange juice or apple juice? 🐱 Look at cats. 🐱 Cats have preferences. But do they have opinions? Would an opinion improve a cat’s life?
Opinions can be carved, twisted, bent, molded, swapped, traded, forgotten, dismantled, corrupted, and gold-plated. Opinions are fickle, fleeting, volatile, and malleable.
Do you really wish to establish your identity on such a rocky foundation? Wouldn’t it be wise to test the terrain before attempting to lay your identity on it?
3 — THE AUDIT
Put an opinion to the test. Start by asking yourself: what would the opposite of this opinion be? Flip it. Poke at it, see if it stands. Try disloging it.
Byron Katie interrogates beliefs: you grab a thought, tie it to a chair, lock the door. Ask yourself ‘Is this true?’. The belief resists. Repeat. Pursue the questioning and gradually tear down the various layers of fiction.
You could also witness the opinion. Watch the thought arise, acknowledge it, and then thank the mind for its input — say ‘Thank you for your opinion’. You may then let go of it.
Weed the cumbersome opinions out, one by one. As you dig deeper, see what’s left underneath the marsh of prejudices you call ‘me’. You’ll eventually hit a foundation far more solid and stable than any puny opinion the mind could muster.
4 — THE BLIND MEN AND THE ELEPHANT
A group of blind men who had never seen an elephant before happen to meet one on their path. They approach it and each blind man feels a different part of the elephant’s body, such as the side or the tusk. As they exchange impressions with each other, the men realize that their descriptions of the elephant differ. Suspecting that the other person is dishonest, they argue.
A similar story is told in Citizen Kane, as a reporter conducts an investigation in order to understand the true nature of the deceased media tycoon, Charles Foster Kane. The journalist interviews Kane’s colleagues, friends and family, gathering conflicting narratives about the mogul. In the end, the reporter is left bereft, sitting on a pile of contradictions that don’t add up.
Truth eludes us. Experiences are subjective. Objectivity is a mirage. The complexity of the world defies language and concepts. The mind can only bend in so many ways. It eventually hits a wall.
Fortunately, we have another tool at our disposal.
Listening. Listening is more than hearing. Listening is active, it requires a shift. Shifting our focus from the self — the attempts to reinforce the ego with mental positions — to the other person. Deliberately giving the other person our undivided attention. All of it.
By doing so, open-mindedness gradually gives way to open-heartedness. Instead of a meeting of the minds, we have a genuine heart-to-heart. Communication is no longer a confrontation; it becomes a dance. You are no longer talking to, but talking with. The various descriptions of the elephant no longer appear as lies, but instead add up and complete each other.
We’ve moved one step closer to the truth – the unity behind the individual experiences.
5 — QUIETING THE MIND, OPENING THE HEART
Scott Fitzgerald wrote: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”
Polarities co-exist, they arise mutually. If we drop one, the other disappears as well. The optical illusion vanishes, and the underlying unity is restored.
During the course of your next conversation, monitor your position: can you listen without judging? As opinions and judgements arise, step back and thank the mind for its input. Release the thought. Bring your focus back to the other person. Repeat this inner process over and over. Undivided attention is the most beautiful gift you have to give.
Krishnamurti calls this practice observing without labeling. Adopting a beginner’s mind enables us to perceive afresh, to learn, to grow. Therein lies the exit out of the mind’s puny polarities. Quiet the mind, open the heart.
And if you fear losing your principles or forgetting who you are, just remember Groucho Marx. There will always be plenty more opinions from where that one came from.