ACTING OUT OUR LIVES

by Nik List

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

William Shakespeare
As You Like It

INTRO — ACTORS

The idea for this piece came from a directing actors workshop I was coaching for student filmmakers. While discussing acting techniques, I was struck by the similarity between acting methods and mindfulness practices. Identification, breath, intention, presence, mind-body connection – the ingredients were the same, simply reshuffled. 

Actors incarnate characters on stage. We act out roles in these incarnations called ‘life’. If all the world is indeed a stage, and all the people are merely players, why not apply acting techniques to our daily lives? 

Here are a few ideas to get started. 

1—THE MUSIC SHEET

Rule 1: Acting is reacting — anchored in the moment, carefully listening to your partner, responding to their offer. Albeit after weeks of rehearsals, rehashing the same lines of dialogue ad nauseam, listening can become a real challenge. Spontaneity evaporates, staleness settles in, and performances die. 

Real-life conversations run the same risks. My mother coined the music sheet to describe dead banter, social chit chat so trite, conventional and predictable that it sounds rehearsed. Eavesdrop on most conversations around you — at the office, at the restaurant, in public transportation — these stale exchanges are ubiquitous.

How can we break out of the music sheet and bring conversations back to life? Let’s consider actors: how do they keep it fresh, night after night? Solid intentions, a clear mind, and focused listening.

When necessary, be comfortable with space. Embrace silence.

By quieting the mind’s incessant monologue, we can reduce the social verbiage and improve the quality of our daily interactions. To quote the Zen monk Thich Nhat Hanh, Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than silence.

2— SUBTEXT

Rule 2: scenes are never what they seem to be about. Characters arguing over pizza toppings might conceal an implicit attempt to address problems in their relationship. Likewise, as two friends meet in the street, a mundane conversation about the weather isn’t really about the weather — it’s a bond renewal — with the subtext ‘We are friends, and we are here reconfirming our bond’.

As they break down scripts, actors parse each line of dialogue to clarify the subtext — the intention behind each word.

We can apply the same rigor to our own behavior, online and offline. What is the subtext of the gossip you’re about to spread? What is the intention of that comment you’re about to post? As you speak up in a meeting, as you voice an opinion, what is the underlying motive? 

Surfacing the subtext can help us clean up our act, and also build a more honest world to play in. On stage and in life, every line of dialogue, every action, every word — everything hinges on intentions. By injecting that level of intentionality into our actions and daily conversations, we become better players in the game. 

3—INTENTION AND ACTION

Rule 3: Every story (and every scene) stems from an intention: what does the character want? What is his/her objective? — A romantic interest? Clinching a deal? Landing a job? Power? Money? Sex? Recognition? The end justifies the means. Which action will the character take to attain that goal?

Intention + action = story. 

In Sapiens, the historian Yuval Noah Harari frames happiness – ultimately the objective of all human endeavors – as a by-product of biochemistry — tweaking levels of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin in the brain.

☝🏼‘Money, social status, plastic surgery, beautiful houses, powerful positions, none of these will bring you happiness. Lasting happiness comes only from serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin.’ – Yuval Noah Harari 

Happiness boils down to hormones in the brain. With that in mind, we can now properly gauge the means we mobilize to reach our goals. 🤓

Need a serotonin hit? You could either binge on junk food, or instead take three deep breaths.

Crave a dopamine rush? Post a selfie, or eat a muffin. 🤔

During a language class, my mother once asked one of her adult students if he was in a relationship. ‘Yes‘, he said. ‘But there’s no connection. It’s just a physical thing.’ ‘A physical thing?‘, she replied. ‘Why do you need a relationship for that? Isn’t that what God made porn for?‘ 

4—INTENTION IS ATTENTION

The Vietnamese-French film director Tran Anh Hung (L’Odeur de la Papaye verte, A la Verticale de l’été) directs his actors with one simple instruction: he asks them to perform their actions delicately. This simple indication endows their performance with an entrancing, magical quality. By focusing on each movement, the actors’ presence radiates on screen. 

Intention is attention.

Most of the time, our attention lies not in the present, but in some immediate (or future) outcome. Every action becomes a means to an end, and life loses its playfulness.

As Alan Watts points out, When dancing, are you aiming for a destination on the dance floor? Or do you just dance for the pleasure of dancing? Is the purpose of music to reach the end of the score? Or is it to enjoy the symphony as it unfolds?

We can apply this delicateness to our daily rituals.

Some practice slow walking. As you cross the room, can you be with each step? The foot lifts • the balance shifts • the sole meets the ground • repeat. The foot lifts • the balance shifts • the sole meets the ground • repeat. One step at a time. One breath at a time.

As you drink your next beverage at Starbucks, consider Thich Nhat Hanh’s advice: Drink slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world revolves, slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this moment is life.

Tran Anh Hung’s films bear testament to the beauty of simple actions performed mindfully. 

5 — STATE OF FLOW

Acting – whether on stage or in life – is a balancing act. One foot grounded in the role, acting out the melodrama. The other foot sidelined, peacefully witnessing the unfolding.

Being in the world, but not of the world.

In the 👁eyes👁 of seasoned actors, there’s a shimmer, the twinkle of one fully embodied in the role, experiencing vicariously the full gamut of emotions, while simultaneously relishing the game from an inner distance. 

As we reach for that delicate balance, harmony settles into our lives. Actors experience this state of flow on stage – acting in accordance with all things. By applying their techniques to our daily lives, we can hopefully nurture that balance and thereby become better actors ourselves.